Friday, November 04, 2005

Deja Vu.

A promise is a promise, so as soon as I got up, I got myself dressed and ran to shul. The running was necesary - it was already 10:30. I got there just in time, and started the brochos. Now, I haven't been in shul, and davend properly with a minyan in ages. Aaaaages actually. So today was special. Special? Well, not quiet. More like weird.

The tefilin part went easely, but then started the davening. The last time I felt this way was 5 years ago, the day I turned 13. Today was really similar. It has been a long time since I had my tefilin on with my hit and rekel. Such a weird feeling, balancing a falling hat onto the tefilin box. Just like 5 years ago.

Hoidy lashem kiru vishmoi... Davening has begun. I was actually suprised, and a bit shocked at myself. Besides for Ashrei, Shema and Shemone Esre, I haven't seen any other page of the siddur for aslong as I can remember. I used to be able to daven up in minutes - the words would just flow out of my mouth. Now, eum, to say the least, my ivre is no more what it used to be. Just like 5 years ago.

Imagine the town-shaigetz rolling up to shul in a hat and jacket, and actually praying from alef till tuf. All eyes watching. Well, they weren't really, but I still kept looking back to see who might be looking. No-one was staring, no-one knows who I really am. Some just came to tell me sholom aleichem - do you learn in the area? I was complexed and scared, just like 5 years ago.

All in all, it was a nice way to start the day. Who knows, maybe I will get used to it. We'll see what Sunday brings.


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