Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Lil' Post It Note.

Hi Everyone.

The ventilator on the laptop conked out - the computer overheated. It had some scary 'not enough space on disk to replace cluster' errror. Thank God it's still in the warranty year, so I just sent it to HP. It can take up to a week or ten days till it's back. Please understand any delay on emails and posts.

Kind regards,


Thursday, June 16, 2005

Love Actually.

Fine, I agree. I am a little too negative. Actually a little more than just a little. So let me put my pink sunglasses on and give it a try. Fingers crossed, here goes...

Let's us all take a break. A relaxing break from all of our world's problems. Everyone agrees; we are living on a polluted planet. A dark, mad and sad world. But let's halt. Let's catch some breath, and let's stop our self destructive negativity. Let's start looking at everything from the bright side. It's bad - but there is always some sunshine. That little sunshine, those happy sparks that we'll shine onto our world, might push aside some of the darkness, some of the pain. We all have enough trouble overcoming our own limitations without fretting over the fact that God didn't see it fit to distribute evenly the gift of intelligence. We all want to fix our world. Everyone wants to make it a safer, better and happier place. Good! Very good! But - we can't.

As the one who pleaded innocent says:

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer :
If you wanna make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change.

Instead of trying to fix them up, instead of us getting all worked up just because of them. Instead of us waisting our time with those fakers, bluffers and crooks. Let's just all forget about them. Forget about the whole bunch of them; they aren't worth it. We will live our lives - not theirs. Let's just all be happy. We live happy and honest lives. Our families and friends love us. We love others. Love is what we spread - on our lovely world. There are so many nice and lovely people around. All those kind Rabbi's who never give up on me. All the nice Rabbi's who actually care about me. Every holiday - those who give me their precious time. We all have nice parents who take care of us, who love us and cherish us. No matter how mean we where, no matter how much wrong we did - they still care for us. They still help us and give us, after so much pain that we gave them in return.

Kindness. There is so much kindness that surrounds us. We could ask favours from anyone. Whenever we need something there's always someone special there for us. Is it a pack of sugar, a couple of eggs or a shoulder to cry on - we are never alone. This world is actually pretty nice! Last week as I was coming back from town, I was sitting on the bus next to this young Yemenite kid with nice long curly peyes. He was busy munching from his small brown bag of peanuts. Without a word, he smilingly looks up and offers me some. Just look around, and see. Love, actually, is all around us.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Where Is The Love.

If you never know truth, then you never know love. Why does this world need to be so evil? What a corrupted globe we live on. Rabbis blinded by the money, twisted for the honour. No justice and no honesty. The rich just become richer, the poor just poorer. No sincerity, envelopes is the only language spoken. Those who give some nice tips, get good customer service. The bigger the nedove, the more chance you’ll win the case. Chance? Yeah, just hope the other party hasn’t out-tipped you. Din Torah – but then without the Torah. Din Beshure sounds more like it. Well, if it’s a beshure you won’t be able to prove them wrong, will you? Money and yichus is a (not so) secret weapon. It’s all in the name. If you’re not Halbershtam or Reichman, just bang the walls in despair. Whatever happened to the values of humanity, Whatever happened to the fairness and equality. Instead of spreading love, we're spreading animosity. Lack of understanding, leading us away from unity. That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling under, That's the reason why sometimes I'm feeling down. It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feeling under, I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is found.

Families totally bashed apart. When the father dies, the love goes with him. The family affection is 3 feet under, deeply buried. Lawyers are happy; the shiva is over - the fighting starts. Five wills start popping up, and the niftar changed his mind 15 times. Brothers stop speaking to each other, cousins banned from each others house. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder, As I'm getting older y'all people get colder. Most of us only care about money makin, Selfishness got us followin the wrong direction.

On the other hand, if the Rebbes do mistakes, so could we. If the Leader will go to court, so will we. Rebbes fighting, putting us all in shame. Money, honour and some more honour. Korach vechol eidosoi. Calling police and going to court. Bribing gaboyim, paying picture magazines and closing a couple of yeshivas. War for a golden strokes bekitche - that’s why they lose the precious love. If this is what our leaders are, if those are our influential cream of the crop, what do you expect of us? With this world that we living in, People keep on giving in, Makin wrong decisions. Only visions of them livin and Not respecting each other, Deny thy brother. The wars' going on but the reasons' undercover, The truth is kept secret, Swept under the rug, If you never know truth, Then you never know love .

By those lovely litvakkes it isn’t any pinker. Roshei Yeshiva fighting over the frak. The houses in South Africa, the weekly shiur klali and the honour of sitting up front. Fists flying and police chasing; all while the rashbo is being kvetched. Drop the rashbo a minute and find the love. Find it, use it and cherish it. I’m amazed - and terribly shocked - by all the teenage boys still admiring those rabbis. Is it any wonder why their love is lost, too? People killing people dying, Children hurtin you hear them crying. Can you practice what you preach, Would you turn the other cheek? Father Father Father help us, Send some guidance from above, Cause people got me got me questioning, Where is the love?

I gotta keep my faith alive, until love is eventually found.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Ish Chosid Hoyo.

Viznitser Rebbe.

Once upon a time... Ying is extremely excited. In a couple of minutes he'll be off to the holy Rebbe. The rebbe had an ainikel, and tonight is the Vachnacht. The Rebbe, despite his weakness, will be Fiering the Tish. An hour later, he's finally in the Rebbe's Chotzer. The Cheider has just finished, and all the little kids are running into the Beth Medrash. Men - in black - of all ages are hastily running towards the grand Shul. He is getting more and more excited! Soon he'll be seeing the bright face of his rebbe, soon he'll be shaking his holy hands. "Ven Kimt de rebbe Arain?" he impatiently asks, eagerly waiting for the big moment.

Ying can't be bothered shleping to the Rebbe. What's the big deal of a Vachnacht? The white ostrich delivers one every couple of months. He feels distanced. Distanced from the holiness of the Rebbe. He doesn't want to go, doesn't want to feel alone. Save the screaming and fighting, tonight he's off to the rebbe.

He climbs onto the high parentches. His friends slowly help him up onto the stands. A large hush falls onto the crowd - The Rebbe Is Do! The music is on full blast, and the parentches are dancing lively. 'Kol rino viyeshio', they all sing united, 'the rebe zol leben a mazel tov'. The whole place looks like one large waving black carpet.

God almighty! Look at all those boys on the parentches! All climbing. pushing and fighting just to get a tiny glimpse of the rebbe. The music is actually pretty good. Oh look! The rebbe is here. Wow! Look at that shining gold beketche! Pure silk. He wonders what a rebbe does with all the money. Ying would join the dancing - but doesn't feel comfortable. He doesn't feel at home.

Everyone is joining the Rebbe's simcha with such joy and pleasure as if it's their own. The rebbe starts clapping rhythmically his hands, all the chassidim follow. The rebbe gets up and they all join hands. The music pumps up, the singing loudens and the dancing intensifies. One can feel the ecstasy in the air.

He looks around, scanning all the black-hatted chassidim. He doesn't understand; how come they are as happy as if it where their own simcha? Maybe they are just faking the happiness? Maybe this is all a show? And look at the kids. Naively believing that the rebbe is almost God. On the other hand - maybe he is really holy, and it's all not just an act...

The crowd is once again hushed - the rebbe starts speaking. Everyone freezes, trying to understand his smart words, trying to absolve his great wisdom. Ying pushes himself forwards; maybe he might hear some of the holy words that the rebbe is whispering. The rebbe's face, so pure. The holiness, sweetness and brightness that shines from his face, touches ying's heart.

He feels disconnected. Ying doesn't see anything in common with the chassidim, nor with the rebbe. They are all so holy, so innocent. His heart stays untouched, unchanged.

The large fish slowly makes it's way from the rebbe's table, and everyone starts pushing their way to it. He manages to grab a tiny piece of sherayim. Everyone bentches, and the rebbe leaves to his house, followed by all the chassidim, with happy sing and lively dance. Ying gets back to Jerusalem, proud of belonging to his rebbe's army. He says shema with real devotion and concentration. Hi head hits the pillow, falls asleep and is deep in his dreams of becoming one day - like his rebbe.

You crazy? Ying push and get dirty just for a piece of fish? Nothing will happen if he wont taste some sherayim. He leaves the place feeling alone. He has lost his rebbe, the rebbe lost him. Nothing in common, it's just not his place. Anymore.

I am astonished at how much I changed in just one year.