Thursday, April 07, 2005

Home Sweet Home

Saturday night I’ll be comfortably (?) sitting in a Boeing 747, as Pesach will be spent back at our humble abode, partying with all the family. It's full house; Daddy, Mummy, brothers, sisters, cute nieces and sweet nephews. How much fun! Pesach at our quarters is really enjoyable. Hearing all the little kids sing the Ma Manishtana making parents all proud, everyone standing on chairs, fighting who will say which Dvar Torah. Those famous “Hey! I wanted to say that one, it’s not fair!” sentences rumbling all the way through the long dining room. The bickering about who shook the table, who caused the wine to spill. Oh, and let us not forget the exciting Afikoman-War. Last year my 4 year old sister hid the stolen Afikoman in the Chometzdike Microwave. Now she's five, i wonder what other creative ideas she has in stock for us.

I'm sure you all agree – being home is really nice. You arrive in the shtetl; finally back home. Brother or Sister come pick you up and drive back to your own house, back to your own room. You sleep in your warm and cozy bed, surrounded with those brick walls you where brought up by. Eating different food, having a different day plan. It’s really nice having a break from the regular routine. Three weeks of living a different life; seeing other people, strolling through other streets and having a complete different schedule. Being home – hanging out with my younger brothers, biking with sisters and visiting family and friends. Sounds rather nice and happy, doesn’t it?

Well... Here is the other, not so bright, side of the coin. On the family portrait we all seem so happy. How it’s all going now, I wonder… I haven’t been home for the past 5 month. Latest update was Mummy being under allot of stress lately. Hoping that there won’t be too many fights in the next month… Now, I can’t disappoint my parents, can I? So, needless to say, little Yingele will have to drag himself out of bed very early every single morning. Davening will have to take a full hour of shokeling and all. He will have to watch his tongue, eyes and ears. MTV, see you and hear you in a month. He will need to take care – nothing should accidentally slip out of his mouth. He needs to remember – don’t answer back, don’t scream and don’t fight.

A faker. That is who I always hated and that is what I always feared turning into. And here I am, being the biggest faker of all. A liar, that is what I am. Pretending to pray nicely and faking to learn… Performing the perfect tsadikel play... I can’t fake, I won’t fake. I’m going to need to stand in front of that prayer book a long sixty minutes and I’ll need to sit in front of a Gemara every single day. If I’m already doing it, at least let it be slightly real. I won’t just lazily move my lips and mumble the words. I will try and have a little concentration, concentrate on the meaning of some words. I’m saying it, so let me say it properly.

I just wish that at home all will indeed be fine. No fights, no screams and no tears. I will try my best and will behave my best. I’ll try to make my parents proud of their Yingele... My fingers are crossed, and hoping that home, indeed, is a sweet home…


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