Yingele...

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Rosh Yeshiva. The sacred job.

Yeah right! Please forgive my dark sarcasm but Yeshivas are everything but Lesheim Shomayim, for God’s sake. At the age of 14 I got thrown out of one of them myself. It’s still a popular Litvish Israeli Yeshiva. Well, to make a long story short, I spoke to a girl quite frequent. A ‘friend’ found out, became jealous and went and did the nastiest thing one can do. He snitched to the Rosh. For three nights I didn’t sleep. Three days I didn’t eat. I didn’t know what to do. On that dreadful morning the Rosh called me in and asked me why I talk to girls. Me being a naive 14 year old, just thought I would tell him the truth and that him, being such a nice and holy man sure would understand. How wrong I was. Packed my bags, called a cab and ran straight off to catch my ElAl flight.

The next month was hell. Hell? What am I talking about. A living nightmare. Parents worried sick. Where will you be next zman? What Yeshiva will accept you? How can our ‘tsaddikel’ commit such a low act? How did he have the guts to speak to a girl? Oh, and last but surely not least; what will all our friends and family say? How can I show my face on the ghetto streets? It was a bigger punishment for my parents than for me. About the snitch; he thinks he did it all letoivosoch, for my good. Only because I’m his friend, so he worries for me. He thinks he has a nice share in the World to come. He thinks he’ll get all 72 virgins. Well Mr. Snitch, sorry to brake the news to you but the coals are burning hot!

From than on my life was upside down, inside out. I learned the rules... so now I was able to break them. And some mistakes are too much fun to only make once, especially if you have nothing else to loose. But now all is fine ;-) sort of. It was a long and adventurous rollercoaster ride till here. I am nowhere near as good as I was than. Nowhere near as good as if he just would of taken me for that walk. Oh well, a Rabbi has to do what a Rabbi has to do, but I am still on that roller-coaster.

Now imagine if the Rosh would just set off for a walk and explain me why it’s not good for my holy neshomele. If he would just make me not want to speak to those Venusians, wouldn’t he of gained much more? Much much more indeed.

But… All the community, all the askonim, all the fundraisers would hear that the holy Rabbi has a guy still in his yeshiva that went out with a girl and that at the young age of fourteen! He is still in Yeshiva!? Now that would be a disgrace. You can’t imagine the humiliation and shame this Rabbi would need to go through; His yeshiva would lose its great reputation, Heaven Forbid. ‘We only produce genuine Benei-Torah.’ And now no more? I don’t think so.

Now how many kids do you know that are/where temporarily on the streets? They didn’t discover much Jiras Shomajim in Zollys and on Ben Yehuda, did they? So what good did it do?

A small yeshiva in Tel Aviv just closed. The Rosh (a Litvak) just locked up and simply left the boys strolling Diezengof. Two of these boys used to be ‘normal’ yeshiva boys, now one is suicidal and the other on drugs. Sad world? Naaah, I know another Chassidishe Rebbe who used to run a Yeshiva of the same kind. Due to the financial supporter’s bankruptcy, he was forced to close down. He didn’t close up until the day that every single boy was settled in a fine and respectful yeshiva. Only than did he lock the doors. But I guess that’s the difference between Chassidim and Litvaks.

Now why, for heavens sake, should the Rosh and Mashgiach bother to slog and help all those boys that have bumped into the normal teenage difficulties? Should he bother to fix them up? Should he bother to polish the diamond in the rough? He would need to sit and talk to the boy. He would need to learn with the boy. We would need to invest into this boy. Precious time. Much too precious to waste on stam a ‘‎yeshiva boy’ isn’t it? Why toil and struggle if you can do it so much easier. C’mon. It’s a lot easier just to toss him. Goodbye Diamond, have a nice life.

Now if you will ask him why he is ruining your life; having a mobile isn’t a reason good enough, is it? Then, let me prepare you to the answer you are most likely to get; “My dear bochurel, I mean it purely for your good. I’m crying over this. It is so so hard for me to chuck you. But I mean it solely for your good. You will be able to shtaig much better in a different Yeshiva. You don’t understand? Well when you will be a Mashgiach with my 50 years of experience you will understand it clearly.” Or a version very close to it.

Since he really cares for you, I would suggest asking him to find you an appropriate Yeshiva where you will be able to shtaig much better indeed. Good luck ;-) Nine out of ten he’ll advice you to ask someone else. Your father, perhaps? Someone who knows you better.
He agrees that he doesn’t really know you. Getting to know all his talmidim?! What an absurd and stupid way to waste his precious time on.

Why so they mostly push down Bochurim? Where is the positive encouragement? Where is the praise and kind words? Where is their love and care? Why can’t they care about the boys? They care. About one thing, themselves. They need to have a easy life. So why struggle to shine up the boys? Their Yeshiva needs to have a good name. What’s the point being a Rosh of a Yeshiva with problems? There’s no big honor and no big money with that. Besides, it makes his life more complicated. So he has decided; he needs the finest Yeshiva. Those are easier to run, right?


All boys need to be great. If not, they are ousted.

A long long time ago, the Rosh Yeshivas used to be a role model for their students. Something to look up to. “One day I want to be like him” they used to whisper in their heads. Now you have a Rosh to know what not to do and a Mashgiach to show you what will happen to you if you continue bumming.

And that guy, who only cares about his name. The name of his Yeshiva. The money he makes. The Frak he is so proudly wearing. That is the guy we are supposed to look up at. The guy we are supposed to learn of. Eeeeum, no thanks.

The Kotsker used to say that just before Moshiach will come, the Rabbis will be riding a horse and carriage on shabbos, and his supporters will just be running after him. Moshiach, you are near. Extremely near.

10 Comments:

  • You have a great blog here.
    Good luck.

    By Blogger Hoezentragerin, at Thursday, March 03, 2005 5:58:00 PM  

  • I'm still figuring you out. So far not too bad. Keep it up.

    By Blogger Shlomo Schwartz, at Thursday, March 03, 2005 5:58:00 PM  

  • It scares me to think the rosh yeshiva was more concerned about how things will look than about doing the job he was paid to do, which is raising someone else's kid.

    I'll try to keep my kids closer to home.

    By Blogger PsychoToddler, at Thursday, March 03, 2005 6:25:00 PM  

  • Religious instatutions such as the one you attened are not meant for kids who figuring out thier own lives and thier own directions. It's simply a place for the robotic and indivudal repressing boys. Learn, Daven, Mikvah, Eat, Sleep, Learn, Daven, Mikvah, Eat - Repeat. For some thats good enough, for others they want the path explained to them. Not just do it cause thats the yeshivas rules.

    By Blogger Chaim, at Thursday, March 03, 2005 11:46:00 PM  

  • Nice blog.

    By Blogger EN, at Friday, March 04, 2005 10:55:00 PM  

  • Your tagline is:
    "Jewish + Eighteen = Problems ;-)"

    That is very misleading. You mean "Frum + Eighteen = Problems." The vast majority of Jews are NOT Orthodox. To them, 18 is just another year, and usually one of the best of their life. The problems you are discussing are part of parcel of the fundamentalist cult of frumkeit and are not relevant to Judaism in the whole. Don't confuse Jewish with frum.

    By Blogger Mis-nagid, at Sunday, March 06, 2005 7:09:00 PM  

  • Yingele,

    Before you become a Chussid I strongly urge you to reconsider. I’ll let you in to a little secret that only us Chasidim know: “its not any better by us”.

    By Blogger Also A Chussid, at Sunday, March 06, 2005 8:40:00 PM  

  • Reply to: Mis-nagid. sure most Jews are not frum but many of these secular Jews I know here in Holland are sometimes the most anti-Israel and if it wasn't for the fact that they are Jewish I would say anti-semitic people I've ever met. Every community has it's problems but always blaming religious Jews isn't the answer to the worlds problems. Yingele, I'm wondering now if your in another Yeshiva?

    By Blogger HasidicG, at Sunday, March 06, 2005 11:17:00 PM  

  • Hoezentragerin, Shlomo, EN: Thanks for your kind words!

    Psychotodler: Smart idea. Shame my parents didn't use the same common sense...

    Rubin: Yup! I call them cookie-cutters, the dough enters and they all come out the same shape and size. Just try and change something, try and be 'different', and you are on the road...

    Mis-nagid: I agree, you are right. One should indeed not confuse Jewish with Orthodox.

    Also a chussid: Thanks for your secret. Shame my great great great grandparents didn't know it ;-)

    Hasidic-Gentile: Thanks for your interest. I have been in and out 4 yeshivas since then. One year the most. 48 hours the least. Currently I am settled...

    By Blogger yingele, at Sunday, March 06, 2005 11:36:00 PM  

  • I am 25 went through 8 yeshivahs...I was your typical genuis...every rebber so excited the first couple weeks at my chidushim and the way i understood the gemeara however since i am dyslexix and have ADD they lost patience....I had a rough ride but now i am working and am settled and you have no clue as too the bull shit too get married i just try to atleast do a business deal with every father i talk too to and meet the whole situation is messed up and all the reebiem care abotu is the yeshivah's name and if thier wife gave them head the night before... certain reebime u cantell if thier wife is a niddah it is completely messed up

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Tuesday, September 25, 2007 1:33:00 AM  

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