Tuesday, March 29, 2005

A Whole Year Purim.

Now wouldn't that be a blast, celebrating Purim 365 days a year. I don't mean literally celebrate. The Megilla, MiShloach Manot and the Gifts to the Poor will still be kept exclusively for that one day. Oh, and Ad De Lo Yoda will also be reserved for Adar the 15th. We don't want to burden Twersky's Alcoholics Anonymous help center too much and you'll have something nice to look forward to.

Purim's joy, ecstasy and freedom, that's what we should celebrate a gantz johr. The cheerfulness we all run around with on those short twenty four hours. Where is it the whole year? Purim (most normal people) don't get angry. We all have patience, we don't rush, we don't care. Compared to any other Sunday afternoon, on Purim we don't get antagonized as quickly, knowing that it's, after all, a blissful day. The other guy is anyway drunk, so what's the point yelling?

Freedom and carelessness. Imagine that wonderful feeling of freedom. Being able to do whatever, whenever and wherever you like. No need to worry a split second about what others might say, what others might think. Being able to wear whatever you fancy, without thinking how others will judge you. Wake up in the morning and decide to wear those red-Aladdin-hats, just go ahead and wear it. Life would be so much simpler, so much nicer.

Everyone would just live their own life. Not trying to imitate anyone, not trying to pretend being someone else. Everybody wouldn't pretend being Somebody, and would just be Nobody but Themselves. Now that would be so much fun! A whole world fakers-free. Thinking of it, I might establish a new sect; the Purimholics.

Thursday, March 24, 2005


Fellow Bloggers! It's Purim!! Get on your feet and start dancing! Shehechiyonu Vekimonu Vehigiyonu Lazman Haze. We are all great, we have all what we crave for, all our needs our given to us. All on a golden platter. We have the Strongest and Only Power loving us who helps us with every single baby-step that we take, He makes sure that we have all that is good for us. Why worry when we have our Master worrying for us? Vehaboiteach Bashem, Afilu Rosho, Chessed Yesoiveveno.

Let us forget all those foolish Rabbis, Yeshivas, Bluffers, Crooks and Liars. Forget about the banned strawberries, banned wigs and kosher cellphones. Should we get all confused and worked up because of them? Should we mess our lovely lives up, just because of them? Naaaah, they aren't worth it. Trust me! This world is so so mad, we can never fix it anyways.

We are healthy, we are well! We are holy and we are pure! Let's rejoice! A splendid life we live, empty of worries, clear of problems. Let us remember those smart words; "Hevel Havolim, Hakol Hevel." Let us stop worrying about all of our difficulties, all of life's bumps. Instead, let's all start spending more time with the things that really matter. The things that really are important, yet we still tend to forget about them. Those things that really matter. Life, family and your children.

Let us all rejoice! Forget about the world and have the time of your life! Don't think about anything and anyone unimportant, just be yourself, and live it up! Have a Happy Happy Purim, and may the happiness and joy continue the whole year, all years till 120.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Diamond in the Rough

You were born an original, don't die a copy. What a famous saying. But what's the original and what's the copy? Who is the real me, and who is the real you?

A simple Jew was once travelling on a journey. He arrived at a certain town near nightfall, and desperately sought lodgings at the town inn. To his dismay, he learned that there was no room in the inn since a group of soldiers were staying there. He pleaded until the innkeeper let him stay in the room of the General, who was away for the night, on condition that he leave at the crack of dawn. Awakened by the innkeeper while it was still dark outside, the rushed, weary-eyed traveller mistakenly wore one of the Generals uniforms and left. Seeing his military-clad reflection in one of the store windows the simple Jew exclaimed, "That foolish inn keeper woke up the General instead of me!"

We often judge people by how they appear and by what they do. We judge ourselves by how we appear and by what we do. Others judge us in the same way. Tending to forget who and what we really are. Behaving under the” influence" of my surroundings. It isn't the real me hanging out with girls, it isn't the real me watching movies.

Deep deep inside of us, we are all holy, pure and sweet. We just act under the anxiety of our emotions, rather than a true, inner desire to do wrong. So even though we all sinned so much, we hurted pur Father so much, never is it too late to change. It is never to late to polish the diamond in the rough.

The Rebbe Reb Zushe of Hanipoli's holy eyes never saw a complete evil angel. Not one dark devil is fully built. Every Mitsvah that we make, creates a good angel. Every aveiroh, a dark one. According to the completeness of the Mitsva, so too is the wholeness of the Malach. If the mitsva is complete, the angel is complete. No sin has ever been made with a total devotion to the evil, wrong and bad. Even while A Jew is sinning, his pure soul is feeling bad. Deep deep inside all his layers of Gashmius, his Pintele Yid is regretting it. No complete sin, hence no complete angel.

This year Purim, when I will spot a witch, ogre or phantom, I will remember my lesson. It's not an ugly monster carying that basket full of goodies, but a happy and innocent kid. So too, little Yingele, in the end, deep within, he is fine and blessed.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Heavenly Father

Our corrupt and messed up government, run by Mr. Corrupto himself wants to 'disengage'. Mr. Corrupto aka Mr. Dictator aka Arik Sharon wants to uproot all the Jewish settlements in Yesha. He wants to uproot graves. Graves of kids, in front of their crying mothers. The expulsion of Jews. The expulsion of our siblings.

Those yellow bulldozers smashing Shuls and Yeshivas, while leaving the stunning villas for our fellow cousins to inhabit. Our cousins who love us so much. Imagine Muhammed, the brother of the killer who shot your baby son, is going to live in your house. The house you so carefully built. Each brick carefully placed with so much strength, effort and love. Imagine evil Achmed sleeping in your warm and cosy bed. The same bed your little kids used to run to, frightened by Kassam rockets screeching over their heads. Imagine Ibrahim taking over your dad's lovely greenhouses. Just imagine...

Peace? Now? Never. How foolish it is to believe that this uprooting will bring peace. We have given them everything. We have received nothing. You give a finger, they want a hand. You give a hand, they give you bombs. Besides, it is a well known, yet silenced fact; the disengagement plan will only harm our security and safety. 52 settlements will be the next target for the Palestinians and their deadly missiles. That's without mentioning the Chabadske Rebbes holy words "Giving back land, Pikuach Nefoshos Mamesh".

Our once-upon-a-time hero warrior is leaving us in the bitter cold. Sharon used to be the most far-right person in our country. The most esteemed and respected somebody. He even sent us, encouraged us and pushed us to go and live in those same settlements.Back then he was The Man. Now... Pphhh.

Rabbi Sholom Dovber Volpe spoke with an Israeli policeman who completed a course that prepared him for the Disengagement. Long version of the scary conversation. Short version: What the cruel Nazis didn't do, the barbarous Mishteres Hatsiyonim will finish. OK, I exaggerated, but please do read this. Trust me, it's frightening...

Is it any coincidence that Sharon came up with the Disengagement plan idea the same week the Court blew the lid of his family's fraudulent history? Family Sharon. A twisted family, a corrupt family. A minor factor; the High Court is in leftist hands. You give those left ati-semites what they want, they leave you alone.

The Court isn't the only left crowd out there. So are most of the Israeli media. They all can't stop speaking about the aggressive, violent and wild settlers. How come the media couldn't catch one single shot of does hostile troublemakers? Not a single violent settler.

Rallies, protests and assemblies haven't moved the stubborn donkey an inch. He lost against his own Likud referendum. Not once, but twice. Yet he stays immovable like a corpse: you can hit him, you can knock him to pieces, but you cannot convince him.

Thursday the Knesset is voting on passing the State Budget. If it doesn't pass, we will be in the ballet-boxes this June. Sharon's dictatorship will fall, together with his Amoleik-style wicked plan. Goodbye Sharon, goodbye Juden-rein Gaza.

The Chief Rabbis, Sfardic, Ashkenazic, Mizrachnik and yes, even some single Chassdishe Rebbes (Rebbe, I take my hat off to you) have declared tomorrow, Thursday the 6th of Adar, as a National Day of Fast and Prayer. Our pretty Queen Esther gathered all men, women and kids to pray to our Father in Heaven. He turned Haman's wicked decree to a joy-full one. From a frightened ending, to a happy and blissful life.

This Purim will be a happy happy one! Once again we will have defeated the enemies of our God, Religion, Land and Heritage. יה"ר שהוא שעשה ניסים לאבותינו בימים ההם, הוא יעשה עמנו ניסים וחסדים בזמן
הזה. אמן אמן סלע ועד

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Bechadrei HaBloggers

GGreen left us. He got burnt . Anyone knows what's happening with him? A new blogger, living on a sharp knife, has joined us. Any coinsidence?

Pravda has been dirtying his hands with some FrumTeensMonkeys. Der Alter is trying to make us all sad. C'mon, mishenichnas ador marbim besimcho!! Anyone know what happened to the so called frum one? Poor girl... The Admor HaShaigetz is pravering a rebisteve. Doing it his vay. He even pravers a Melave Malke with stories and all. Shaigetz, are you giving out Knobbel too? The yiddishe mamme decided she will start blogging all about the lovely people she stares at. TheGirl is still sleeping. Can someone please wake her up! Girlie, we miss you!

Frummer wants a BlogRabbi. ReelRabbi to the rescue! Lazer is continuing to send out his beams! Enlighten us, oh great Lazer! Blogger sucks. Commenting system slow, down and all messed up. Oh, Yoidy Lashem Chasdoi, a new Yiddish blogger is shining on our velt.

Bas Torah is all busy with sex, sex and some more sex. The idiots at the Yated have become musicians. And last but most definately not least; Gilgul, welcome to our gedolim-lovers club!

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Rabbi Vs. Rebbetzin

Last night, as I was sitting on the comfortable chairs in the Ramada lobby with my parents, waiting for the stupid fries, I remembered a mid-night discussion we once had in our Yeshiva dorm. I had something stuck in my throat, so let me cough it out. Here goes.

There was a long table full of screeching sem girls. They where all having their time of their lives. A sem night-off to the fancy restaurant, what more could they wish for? Oh, I just forgot a minor detail. Between the giggling 18 year olds I spotted one, dressed in a black hat. With a beard!? Oh, he is the Rabbi. That's how you call them in Sem, Rabbis right?

Now. Leis Maan Depalig that the Rabbis in Sem aren't the Holy of the Holyest Sweetest of the Sweetest, right? I mean, when was the last time you saw a Sem-Rabbi between the Gedolim-pics in Hamodia's center? Huh? These Sem-Rabbis are normal human beings. They aren't Kedoishim, Malochim Elyonim neither. You think he is Ausgearbet? You think he has all his wants and desires fixed up, Betachlis Hashleimus? If so, could I please have his address, I would love to bring him a kvittel! Oh, and maybe he could be my nephews Sandek, this coming Monday morning. (Mazal Tov, only Simchas!)

Now please explain me; how can a Frum Rabbi sit in front of 25 girls all day, speak to those girls all day, educate does girls all day, and not be oiver any lav? I guess they know some trick of the trade. Maybe they can teach it to me, I would love to have the word girl washed out of my mind... I do not have scenes of rape and subduction flying thru my young head at this particular moment. Chas vesholom, the Rosh HaSem surely isn't that bad. But... What was the name of the Heavenly Tanna who got punished when he asked a women for directions? Ok, you are right, God does judge Tsaddikim differently. But still; can he treat Rachel, the petite gorgeous blonde in the same way as he treats Shlomptse? How can he be a fair and erlecher Rabbi, I wonder...

So you might say; it's for chinuch so he has a hetter for all his aveirelech. Eeeum, no. What's wrong having a female teacher and educator? They wont have all the difficulties and problems the male might have inside those high Sem walls. Now forget about Judaism a second. Don't females understand females better than males do? Us males need to read books about the differences between Mars and Venus, but Venus understands Venus. And if males can educate better, why aren't they solely males in Sem. Who needs the other females?!

So how for heavens sake can a Frum male educate Jewish teenage girls? He has such a hard job. He may not have any negieus, he may not flirt, he may not stare, he may not have any cassual chit-chat talk, etc etc. How the hell does he manage?

Now, if I would be right, all the Gedolim would be busy with it. That's not the case. They have more important things, like strawberrys, cell-phones and sience books. I guess they think it's ok. Right? Our Gedolim are no Ketanim, they know what they are doing (Read: banning). So I am wrong. Most definately wrong, I am nothing but a little Yingele. Or am I right? Huh?

Thursday, March 10, 2005

Make me want!

This post is dedicated to my lovely sister and in memory of the fight I so tragically lost last night.

Dearest sister,

I am terribly sorry. Shamefully I must admit, I was totally wrong last night. My behaviour was completely and utterly disgusting.
As I was lying sleeplessly in bed I was trying to recapture the past half hour. How could I behave in such away? Particularly to someone so kind, someone who gives me the world…?Sister, I am sorry. Please forgive me, I am so sorry.

But… some things you should know about me: I don’t like being told stuff. I can’t stand it when someone orders and bosses me around. No one likes being told what to do. It hurts our feeling of self-importance that we so much crave.

There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Just one approach. Make the other person want to do it. Remember there is no other way.

Of course I can make someone want to give me his watch by poking a revolver into his ribs. Of course I can get a short lasting effect (if any), by using negative criticism and forcing.

I know that you care for me and love me, but please, still show it to me. If you just would ask me nicely and friendly to shut down the computer. If you would be reasonable and give me another 10 minutes. If you would make me want to shut it down, you would have gained much more, wouldn’t you? Next time you don’t want me to hang out and next time you want me to go to sleep, please try and make me want to do it… It’s very hard indeed and takes allot of thinking, but please try your best. We only do things if we want to.

Please try and bear in mind; I am still only a young Yingele...

Truthfully yours,

the Yingele

Monday, March 07, 2005

Rejoice oh Rabbis, Rejoice!

Finally finally they have found a way how to keep our young and wild generation pure and holy. Mazal Tov! A new cell-phone has just been born. Mobile phones with SMS and GPRS disabled, now that is undoubtedly Kosher. C’mon, it’ll even boast a stamp! We welcome you, holy Kosher Phone, to our grand community.

My lord! Is that what our Rabbis are worried about? SMS and mobile internet?! When was the last time you received a text similar to this one:

Hi! I wanna talk 2 u my hun. Call *44555 now, Im waitin 4 u! xxxx Jennifer

Rabbis seem to be receiving them so often. Why are they so worried that someone actually might dial *44555? Well I have never received such a text. I wonder why… I guess I never accidentally subscribed to any service… My loss. In this closed up society of ours you may be a liar, a hypocrite, a crook and a swindler but you may not possess a cellular phone. You twist? No problem. You have internet on your phone? Shaigetz Arois!

Rabbis, instead of wasting your precious time, instead of assuring phones, science books and ‘open-minded thinking’ in general, why not try and fix up your own messed up community? Why stand up for those abusers, why let your community look like it looks? Have you than forgotten the basics: Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife.
But I guess that’s part of your corruptness. Part of your blindness.

Mehadrin shops, Mehadrin busses and now Mehadrin phones. What’s next? Mehadrin sidewalks?

I do not want to revive the Slifkin account, but when was the last time you saw Rav Eliashiv sticking up for an Agunah? When was the last time Rabbi Michel Yehuda Lefkovitz stack up for an abused girl in his community?

But on the other hand, reading a book on science, animals and Torah is intolerable. An Agunah with 6 kids? Naaah, that’s not that important, is it?

Oh well, that’s just my opinion. At the end of the day I'm only a little Yingele...

Thursday, March 03, 2005

Rosh Yeshiva. The sacred job.

Yeah right! Please forgive my dark sarcasm but Yeshivas are everything but Lesheim Shomayim, for God’s sake. At the age of 14 I got thrown out of one of them myself. It’s still a popular Litvish Israeli Yeshiva. Well, to make a long story short, I spoke to a girl quite frequent. A ‘friend’ found out, became jealous and went and did the nastiest thing one can do. He snitched to the Rosh. For three nights I didn’t sleep. Three days I didn’t eat. I didn’t know what to do. On that dreadful morning the Rosh called me in and asked me why I talk to girls. Me being a naive 14 year old, just thought I would tell him the truth and that him, being such a nice and holy man sure would understand. How wrong I was. Packed my bags, called a cab and ran straight off to catch my ElAl flight.

The next month was hell. Hell? What am I talking about. A living nightmare. Parents worried sick. Where will you be next zman? What Yeshiva will accept you? How can our ‘tsaddikel’ commit such a low act? How did he have the guts to speak to a girl? Oh, and last but surely not least; what will all our friends and family say? How can I show my face on the ghetto streets? It was a bigger punishment for my parents than for me. About the snitch; he thinks he did it all letoivosoch, for my good. Only because I’m his friend, so he worries for me. He thinks he has a nice share in the World to come. He thinks he’ll get all 72 virgins. Well Mr. Snitch, sorry to brake the news to you but the coals are burning hot!

From than on my life was upside down, inside out. I learned the rules... so now I was able to break them. And some mistakes are too much fun to only make once, especially if you have nothing else to loose. But now all is fine ;-) sort of. It was a long and adventurous rollercoaster ride till here. I am nowhere near as good as I was than. Nowhere near as good as if he just would of taken me for that walk. Oh well, a Rabbi has to do what a Rabbi has to do, but I am still on that roller-coaster.

Now imagine if the Rosh would just set off for a walk and explain me why it’s not good for my holy neshomele. If he would just make me not want to speak to those Venusians, wouldn’t he of gained much more? Much much more indeed.

But… All the community, all the askonim, all the fundraisers would hear that the holy Rabbi has a guy still in his yeshiva that went out with a girl and that at the young age of fourteen! He is still in Yeshiva!? Now that would be a disgrace. You can’t imagine the humiliation and shame this Rabbi would need to go through; His yeshiva would lose its great reputation, Heaven Forbid. ‘We only produce genuine Benei-Torah.’ And now no more? I don’t think so.

Now how many kids do you know that are/where temporarily on the streets? They didn’t discover much Jiras Shomajim in Zollys and on Ben Yehuda, did they? So what good did it do?

A small yeshiva in Tel Aviv just closed. The Rosh (a Litvak) just locked up and simply left the boys strolling Diezengof. Two of these boys used to be ‘normal’ yeshiva boys, now one is suicidal and the other on drugs. Sad world? Naaah, I know another Chassidishe Rebbe who used to run a Yeshiva of the same kind. Due to the financial supporter’s bankruptcy, he was forced to close down. He didn’t close up until the day that every single boy was settled in a fine and respectful yeshiva. Only than did he lock the doors. But I guess that’s the difference between Chassidim and Litvaks.

Now why, for heavens sake, should the Rosh and Mashgiach bother to slog and help all those boys that have bumped into the normal teenage difficulties? Should he bother to fix them up? Should he bother to polish the diamond in the rough? He would need to sit and talk to the boy. He would need to learn with the boy. We would need to invest into this boy. Precious time. Much too precious to waste on stam a ‘‎yeshiva boy’ isn’t it? Why toil and struggle if you can do it so much easier. C’mon. It’s a lot easier just to toss him. Goodbye Diamond, have a nice life.

Now if you will ask him why he is ruining your life; having a mobile isn’t a reason good enough, is it? Then, let me prepare you to the answer you are most likely to get; “My dear bochurel, I mean it purely for your good. I’m crying over this. It is so so hard for me to chuck you. But I mean it solely for your good. You will be able to shtaig much better in a different Yeshiva. You don’t understand? Well when you will be a Mashgiach with my 50 years of experience you will understand it clearly.” Or a version very close to it.

Since he really cares for you, I would suggest asking him to find you an appropriate Yeshiva where you will be able to shtaig much better indeed. Good luck ;-) Nine out of ten he’ll advice you to ask someone else. Your father, perhaps? Someone who knows you better.
He agrees that he doesn’t really know you. Getting to know all his talmidim?! What an absurd and stupid way to waste his precious time on.

Why so they mostly push down Bochurim? Where is the positive encouragement? Where is the praise and kind words? Where is their love and care? Why can’t they care about the boys? They care. About one thing, themselves. They need to have a easy life. So why struggle to shine up the boys? Their Yeshiva needs to have a good name. What’s the point being a Rosh of a Yeshiva with problems? There’s no big honor and no big money with that. Besides, it makes his life more complicated. So he has decided; he needs the finest Yeshiva. Those are easier to run, right?

All boys need to be great. If not, they are ousted.

A long long time ago, the Rosh Yeshivas used to be a role model for their students. Something to look up to. “One day I want to be like him” they used to whisper in their heads. Now you have a Rosh to know what not to do and a Mashgiach to show you what will happen to you if you continue bumming.

And that guy, who only cares about his name. The name of his Yeshiva. The money he makes. The Frak he is so proudly wearing. That is the guy we are supposed to look up at. The guy we are supposed to learn of. Eeeeum, no thanks.

The Kotsker used to say that just before Moshiach will come, the Rabbis will be riding a horse and carriage on shabbos, and his supporters will just be running after him. Moshiach, you are near. Extremely near.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

No. Just say no.

Just hanged up from Avi. An eighteen year old ex-yeshivaboy currently looking for a place to settle. Where he can really settle. I asked him how his shabbos in his Dirah was. Here is the sad conversation;

Yingele: Hey Avi! How was Shabbos?
Avi: Yeah, was nice.
Yingele: Where did you eat? By your Rabbi again?
Avi: Naaah. Had some friends over. Ate with them. Yingele, do you remember my two chassidish friends who came friday along with us to Blockbusters? Well they where at my place.
Yingele: And they behaved? Or did they watch the DVDs?
Avi: They watched and smoked. But I behaved. I didn't smoke, neither watch with them on shabbos.
Yingele: (Almost faints) How could you give them your DVD-player and let them use it on Shabbos?
Avi: I don't know...

My heart is crying to both of you. A. How can two beketches smoke and watch dvd's on Shabbos? And B. Avi, my dear friend, why can't you be strong? Why can't you just say NO. Two letters: NO. As a kid I remember seeing 'Say no to drugs' printed on those colourfull Laffy Taffy wrappers. I never understood. Why do they need to tell people to say no? Why don't they just print 'Drugs Kills' etc like they have on yene-machle-sticks boxes? Now I understood. We need to brain-wash ourselves over and over again to be strong and just to say no! No to drugs. No to bad friends. No to anything self-destructive. Brothers, sisters, please don't let these two letters ruin the beautiful life G-d has prepared for you. Just say NO.

To be honest, I must admit that I wrote this post with only one in mind; yingele. It's about time I start picking up my courage, standing firm and saying no.